Hi Reader,
I hope you’ve been well since I sent my last newsletter (which was about six months now).
My life has been nothing but a series of shifts in 2024.
I went through a breakup in January after being in a relationship for eight years. It was one of those things where I felt as if the rug had been swept out from under my feet. I said goodbye to him, our apartment, and our dog.
I moved back in with my parents with the intention of staying for a short while, but they swiftly decided to move to another state…and I went with them. I said goodbye to Washington where I’ve lived for most of my life.
My car, which had treated me well for ten years, started growing mold (🤔), so I had to say goodbye to that too.
My grandma died in June. I didn’t get to say goodbye to her.
I could continue listing all the ways life has laughed at me so far this year, but I also know I have to laugh right back at it. I’m trying not to adopt a ‘woe is me’ mentality because it doesn’t give me anything in return.
I mentioned to my therapist that it felt as if I was a pawn being moved around by some outside force because none of these things were my choice. She reminded me that I still made choices; perhaps they just weren’t the ones I thought I’d have to make.
I could have chosen to fight for the relationship, but I felt there was no point in fighting for someone who’d decided not to choose me. I could have chosen to get my own place right away, but I felt safe with my parents. I could have chosen to stay in Seattle, but I felt like moving could give me a fresh start.
I still feel like I’m in a place of limbo. Perhaps some huge shift is coming, and maybe this will all be for the best, but what if it isn’t? Or what if I don’t like what’s to come?
Though there have been a lot of goodbyes, I suppose that means there are many potential hellos to come.
I’m trying to stay in the present moment and enjoy what’s happening for me right now.
Writing always makes me feel better, but sometimes I get into the headspace of, “I’ll write when I feel better.”
The truth is that I need to write in order to feel better.
I think that’s true of so many things:
- ‘I’ll exercise when I feel confident in my body.’
- ‘I’ll meditate when my mind is calmer.’
- ‘I’ll reach out to my friend when I’m in a good mood.’
Why not just do the thing now to make yourself feel better?
All of that is to say I’ve been writing, and I have a backlog of things to share with you.
The first is about how much pressure we put on ourselves to do more, even when we’re going through an emotionally difficult time.
If you’ve ever felt as if you’re not living the version of life you’re ‘supposed’ to be living, this one’s for you.
And if you’re still here reading these emails, even when I disappear for a while, thank you.
I’ll talk to you soon.
at the moment.
🧘🏻♀️ Practicing Nikki Dyer's meditations: I've been getting back into the habit of meditating in the mornings, and Nikki's videos make it so easy and approachable.
🎥 Watching Caroline Myss' videos: I’m hooked on Caroline's no-nonsense approach to spirituality. Every time I listen to her, she seems to know exactly what I need to hear.
📚 Re-reading The Four Agreements: A quick, easy read that offers a good reminder on living in the present moment without judgment.
a moment of bliss.
A moment of bliss is something in your day that you’re savoring or grateful for, no matter how small it might seem.
“I love riding my bike around my neighborhood in the moonlight. It makes me feel free and brings me peace."
— Tonya
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